Autism & ADHD: Neurodivergence in Therapy
If you are neurodivergent, or suspect that you might be, you may have found that traditional “talk therapy” hasn’t worked well for you in the past. Questions like “What feeling is coming up for you now?” may have felt more frustrating than helpful. You’re also likely very self-aware - you have lots of insight into yourself, but find that you’re not feeling any better.
This makes sense when we think about how neurodivergent brains work and process emotions differently. We might have delayed processing of feelings, or find it hard to describe what we feel. Not only are these differences real, but many of us also share the experience of having been told throughout our lives that what we are feeling, thinking, or doing is wrong.
“You’re too sensitive” is a common refrain to children who are actually autistic and having sensory difficulties. These kids might also be used to hearing that they’re “weird” for being passionate about their interests. “You would be able to get that assignment done if you cared enough - you’re just lazy,” may be a familiar phrase to the teenager whose real struggle is ADHD and executive dysfunction. It continues as we move into adulthood and are surrounded by the message that we should be able to “keep up” with life’s demands.
Over time, receiving these messages causes us to doubt our own experience. We internalize the idea that we’re “wrong,” “lazy,” etc., and we can become separated from ourselves until it no longer seems safe to access, feel, and trust what is true for us - our feelings, our needs, our boundaries.
As a neurodivergent person myself, I’m passionate about helping you to make sense of both how your brain works - so you can work with, not against, your natural abilities and rhythms - and the way that the messages about yourself that you’ve internalized over the years are showing up for you today in the form of self-beliefs, behaviours, and emotions. It’s hard being misunderstood, working against our brains, and operating from a place of shame. My aim is to support you in untangling these learned pieces so you can move forward effectively - in whatever way works best for you and your life - from a place of greater self-acceptance.
I am a therapist, not an autism or ADHD coach, so my main role is to look at what’s been learned and internalized as you’ve tried to navigate a neurotypical world, and to create space for us to untangle that together. However, I am also happy to bring in strategy-based aspects to our work where they would be helpful. I bring lived experience to this work as well as clinical experience working with many neurodivergent folks, extensive research/reading on neurodivergence, and completed trainings in working with a neurodivergent population.
Whether you’ve recently learned or begun to suspect that you are neurodivergent, or you are on a journey of thinking in new ways about how your neurodivergence has impacted your life - I know this can be an overwhelming time filled with mixed feelings. Grief, relief, confusion, understanding - all these and so many more can be present. I know from experience that having more information about yourself means that, with support, you can build a life that best suits you, and helps you to feel more “yourself” than ever before.
I would love to support you in this important work you’re doing for yourself and your happiness. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to me so we can get to know each other better.
Translating the info from our bodies
A common experience for neurodivergent people is to experience emotions as bodily sensations or symptoms first, and only later connect these to emotions (if we do at all). Perhaps you’ve had the experience of realizing days after an interaction that something that was said to you made you sad or angry. Often, there have been subtle (or sometimes not-so-subtle) body-based cues of this that we can easily miss - especially if we’ve been told to ignore our “too sensitive” bodies throughout our lives. I can support you in feeling more in touch with the signals your body is sending you - to “decode” and process emotions.
About Me
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my early 30s, and later realized that I meet criteria for an autism diagnosis as well (like many autistic folks, I am self-diagnosed). The knowledge that I am neurodivergent has enabled me to recontextualize so much about what I had grown up thinking was “wrong” with me, and to live a life much more in line with my preferences, capacities, and values. The journey hasn’t always been easy, and has been marked with grief and frustration, but I also now know the feeling of freedom and self-acceptance that’s on the other side. My neurodivergence will never not be a part of me, and some days are still difficult, but truly knowing myself is so much better than all the time I spent struggling in the dark.
Our Sessions
Our sessions don’t need to look like “typical” talk therapy sessions, where we sit still, looking at each other and talking about your feelings for fifty minutes. We certainly can do this, but the focus is on using the time in a way that makes you feel comfortable. This can mean anything from having cameras off for virtual sessions to spending some of our time not talking - sitting quietly or working on other things (I’m always happy to assist with body doubling!). We can also spend time talking about your interests, we can analyze media together, you can show me stuff you’ve made… we can co-create the space together in whatever way works best and feels the most comfortable for you.
Monika Mehan, RP(Q)